Your preschooler may understand that a friend is someone who is fun, enjoys similar activities, likes the same toys, or perhaps helps them. What children expect from a friend usually increases with age; therefore, your preschooler may call someone a friend more easily than an adult would. 

Friendships are important as they provide children with opportunities to: 

• communicate and relate to others
• practice strategies to manage their feelings and emotions
• learn how to win and lose appropriately
• practice overcoming disagreements or arguments with others
• develop social skills such as empathy, patience and sharing
• gain a sense of belonging
• grow their self-esteem.

By the age of three, children are interested in making friends and may be able to tell you who they consider to be their friend. Your child may know their friend’s name and look to see if they are at childcare or social events when they arrive. At this age, children may struggle to see other people's point of view.

By the age of four, your preschooler will likely be able to tell you who their friend are and who other peers or acquaintances are. A friend may be near them participating in the same activity or someone they regularly see at childcare. Your four-year-old may start to ask for playdates with a friend outside of seeing them at daycare settings.  

When supervising children, make sure you stay close by to ensure your child and their friends are safe and they can easily find you. As your preschooler doesn’t have well-developed social and communication skills, disagreements may arise. If they do, be patient and calm. As a parent or carer, you can:

• give children turns to share their side of the story so they can see the other child’s point of view
• help children identify their emotions
• use opportunities to teach children what is fair in different situations
• teach children when and how to apologise and forgive if mistakes are made by others
• demonstrate good sportsmanship if games are competitive by shaking hands, saying “good game” or “well played” no matter the outcome.

Preschoolers have active imaginations, and therefore, it's common for them to have imaginary friends. For many children, pretending and imagining are a normal and healthy part of a child’s development. Imaginary friends can teach your child social skills such as empathy and allow them to express their creativity.

Imaginary friends may come in the form of another being who may or may not be visible, such as a pet, a superhero, or a stuffed toy. Children may have imaginary friends to: 

• solve a problem
• explore different roles and relationships
• provide them with support and comfort
• have a sense of control
• express how they are feeling, for example, if the imaginary friend is scared, your child may also be scared
• test how others, including parents, may react to new behaviours or situations.

If your child presents challenging behaviours because of their imaginary friend, such as withdrawing from social situations or blaming their new friend, you can set boundaries as a family. However, if the friend is causing troubling behaviours, is significantly upsetting your child, or you think it may be linked to a distressing event, discuss your concerns with the family doctor.

To assist your preschooler in meeting new people, you can:

• teach your child how to introduce themselves, including saying their name and asking for the other person’s name
• organise play dates with new people, such as a work colleague or an old friend who has children of a similar age
• build your child’s self-confidence and self-esteem by pointing out their good qualities to allow them to better appreciate themselves
• replace activities that exclude friends, such as watching TV or playing apps on a mobile phone, with activities that involve other children
• select toys for your child that are interactive and require others to participate to increase their desire to play with others
• teach your child how to be a good friend
• talk to your child’s preschool teacher to see if they can create opportunities for your child to play with someone who has similar interests
• place your child in organised activities that involve other children, such as dancing, to allow them to meet new people whilst also getting active.

You can support your child’s independence by giving them opportunities to make choices. Ask them questions about what they want to wear, where they want to sit, and what they want to play with. Try to stick to two or three options to reduce confusion. This helps children have a sense of power, builds their confidence, helps them learn to problem solve and teaches them cause and effect.

Rather than solving a problem for your child, give them time to figure out how to solve it. Children learn through trial and error and, therefore, may sometimes need reassurance from parents and carers to overcome challenges. Focus on your child’s effort rather than the outcome.

Giving your child more responsibility for self-care activities such as dressing themselves and some personal hygiene activities are great steps to teach your child how to look after their body and promote independence.

You can get children involved in routine tasks such as packing their lunchboxes, setting the dinner table, and mixing ingredients when preparing a meal. Stepping back at times and giving children opportunities to take on more responsibility in an age-appropriate way will help them learn how to do things for themselves. This can help improve multiple aspects of life, including getting organised and ready for school and social situations.

Encourage your child to explore through unstructured play and taking age-appropriate risks. Unstructured play is unplanned activities that result from removing rules or expectations from play. This gives children choices and allows them to get creative, solve problems, and explore new interests and skills.

Unstructured play can also be included in conventional sports practice to help modify games. 

See the CHANGE IT Principle for more information.