Coping with your child's diagnosis
The first few weeks after a child is diagnosed with cancer can be overwhelming and distressing. Everyone reacts differently, and the shock of a diagnosis may result in a number of intense emotions.
Emotions may include: shock, grief, fear, sadness, anxiety, anger, guilt and blame, helplessness, loneliness and loss of control.
These strong emotions can impact on you physically and mentally. It is possible for intense emotions to cause fatigue, pain (such as headaches) and changes in appetite.
Initial confusion is common
Your doctor will give an explanation of your child’s disease and the treatment. However, parents are often so overwhelmed and distressed that understanding all the information is difficult. It's okay and normal.
Information about your child’s diagnosis, treatment and prognosis may need to be repeated numerous times. Parents should not feel embarrassed or should not hesitate to ask for further explanations. This is a time when important decisions may need to be made and when a good understanding is vital.
Discussions with your doctor during the diagnosis stage
Discussions with your doctor during the diagnosis stage usually address a number of key questions
- What is your child’s diagnosis and what does it mean?
- How did your child develop cancer?
- Could anything have prevented the cancer from developing?
- Is cancer hereditary?
- How long has your child had cancer?
- How common is cancer in children?
- What is the treatment going to be?
- What is the usual duration of treatment?
- What happens after treatment finishes?
- What are some of the possible side effects of treatment?
- What is a treatment protocol and how does it work?
- How and who should you contact at the hospital in the event of an emergency?
- Which precautions will you need to take when your child is on treatment?
Things that are normal to feel, the medical team is here for you
Fear
This experience may be your child's first hospitalisation. The fear of the unknown may be overwhelming. You may also have fears about treatment, expenses or how you will help your child cope with cancer.
Anger
You may feel angry about about your child's situation. You may even feel angry with your child for getting sick or at the medical team if they cannot find answers. Finding a safe outlet is strongly encouraged.
Guilt
Parents often feel guilty for not knowing their child was sick or wonder if they did something to cause the cancer. Siblings may also feel guilty that they are healthy. Everyone in the family needs to be assured that they did not cause the cancer.
Depression
People use depression to describe a range of emotions and behaviours. Feeling 'blue' or sad is normal. The diagnosis may also require changes in family routine and bring feelings of social isolation. You may notice symptoms or grief, such as crying spells, changes in appetite, decreased energy and concentration, and even physical symptoms, such as tightness in the chest or headaches.
Looking after yourself is important
As hard as it is, and even though you may feel guilty being away from your child - looking after yourself is important. You will be in a better position to continue being present for, and looking after, your child.
With the support of family, friends, and the medical care team, most parents are able to work through these emotions and learn coping skills that are needed to meet care demands.
When other life stresses, such as death, loss of a job, moving, divorce, mental health or substance abuse existed prior to the diagnosis, the situation may be more difficult.
It may help to discuss your feelings with a trusted member of the Health Care Team. Counselling and medications are available and may be needed.
Suggestions to help you cope with your child's illness
- Stay connected - make a special effort to find a private time to talk with your partner or a close friend.
- Try not to talk about your child in his/her presence unless they are included in the conversation.
- Find your outlet. You know what would work best for you. Some people exercise, while others
enjoy reading or music. - Take turns with your partner or other support person when staying with your child in the hospital or coming for clinic visits. Sharing responsibilities also reduces the gap that may grow between parents when one is more involved in care than the other.
- Ask a member of the Health Care Team for help and support.
- Talk to other parents of children with cancer.
- Attend a support group or access support through your social worker.