Impact on parents and partners
Many couples feel a strain on their relationship while they cope with the needs of their sick child, work and the rest of their family.
While diagnosis can sometimes be the cause of relationship problems, it can also help to bring parents closer together.
Where the parents have a history of relationship difficulties, the stress of their child’s illness may worsen the problems that already exist.
Some parents discover that they have different views about their child’s illness and treatment approaches. This can be a source of arguments, increased tension and conflict.
Often one parent feels that they are investing more time, energy or emotions into the care of their child, leaving them with feelings of resentment and thoughts that the other parent ‘doesn’t care enough.’
You and your partner may want to adopt strategies to help you work together during the period of your child’s diagnosis and treatment.
Respecting coping styles
Each person responds differently to stress. They may
- zone out
- cry or get angry
- gather infromation.
Parents need to learn and respect each other's coping style.
Accepting changing roles
The demands of illness and treatment can change the roles of family members. For example:
- the mother takes the decision making role within the healthcare team because the husband is at work
- the father or older sibling may have to help with home duties because the mother is caring for the sick child in the hospital.
The change in roles can cause stress within a marriage or family. However, some changes may be necessary to support the family and ill child.
Maintaining communication
The need to talk about feelings, fears, appreciation and information is even greater during times of stress.
Silence can make you feel distant from your partner.
By sharing feelings and information, you can stay connected and make informed decisions together.
Suggestions for divorced parents
In families where parenting issues are unresolved, children may try to use the diagnosis and treatment to 'bring together' divorced parents.
Work together and do not allow the stress of divorce to affect your child's care. Communication helps both parents get the best care for their child.
Some suggestions to help avoid problems include:
- talk with a member of the medical team if your child is having behavioural problems
- place a copy of any current Residence (custody), Contact (access) or Apprehended Violence Orders in your child's medical record
- meet together with the medical team to avoid confusion about the plan of care
- share notes or a recording of information if one parent is not present for a meeting
- ask for two copies of all teaching materials so both parents can have the same information.