Social and emotional development in children (5-12 years)

Your school-aged child is likely to have more independence than they have ever had before. 

This can be exciting, frustrating or stressful for you and your child. Although getting children involved may take longer to complete activities, it is crucial to their development as it:

  • increases their confidence
  • enhances motivation
  • builds self-esteem
  • helps problem-solving skills
  • fosters empowerment.

You can build your child’s independence by providing opportunities where they can safely make choices or complete activities on their own. If giving your child choices, give a few appropriate options. Open-ended questions may result in undesirable answers that could lead you to refuse your child's choice because it is either unhealthy or impractical.

Morals and values

As your child becomes more aware of themselves and the world around them, they will develop a stronger sense of what is right and wrong. Children are likely to question things to figure out what is fair, equal, or just in different situations. 

Their morals and values guide their decisions, impact their behaviour and subsequently shape their identity. You can help your child develop good morals and values by demonstrating and encouraging them to be:

  • honest
  • respectful
  • compassionate
  • responsible
  • generous
  • cooperative
  • caring.

Fears

As children become more aware of the world and experience new people and settings, they may develop fears that might be real or imagined. Children may have a fear of ghosts, the dark, or going to school. Even if you don’t necessarily find it threatening, take your child’s fear seriously, as it is quite real for them. You can:

  • ask your child about their fear to find out what they are worried about in particular
  • help your child put things into perspective
  • be honest and truthful in an age-appropriate way
  • provide reassurance that they are safe
  • ask what would help alleviate the fear and implement strategy if appropriate. 

If your child’s fear or anxieties are disrupting their everyday life, talk to your local doctor for support and guidance. 

See the Mental health or the Anxiety disorders factsheet for more information.

Starting primary school

Starting primary school can be an exciting and nerve-wracking time for you and your child. You can enrol your child in primary school if they are turning five on or before the 31st of July of that school year. Legally, all children should be in school by their sixth birthday. 

Education in public schools is free. However, schools may request families to make voluntary contributions.

Preparing for primary school

The transition to primary school can start well before their first day and helps them prepare for this change. You can:

  • talk positively about primary school with your child
  • read books about primary school
  • visit your child’s school to familiarise them with the environment
  • confirm your child’s immunisation schedule is up to date
  • inform the school if your child has or is currently undergoing tests for any allergies, health conditions, developmental delays or disabilities
  • ensuring your child has the correct uniform, including shoes that they can secure themselves
  • label your child’s items so they don’t get lost
  • practice consistent routines with your child, including waking times, morning tea and lunch
  • teach your child to:
    • carry and open their bag easily
    • go to the toilet independently and wash their hands
    • write and recognise their own name
    • open their lunchbox and containers.

Starting primary school

When your child starts primary school, there are some things that you can do to make their transition as smooth as possible. You can:

  • pack a spare change of clothes in case of accidents
  • always include a hat and water bottle
  • organise and communicate with you child their care and travel arrangements before and after school
  • pack a healthy and nutritious lunchbox
  • show them where the toilet is when they arrive in case they need to go urgently
  • tell your child what you will be doing while they are at school so they do not worry about you.

Homework

Your child is likely to be given some homework from their school to practice new skills or reinforce the knowledge they have learnt. It is also an opportunity for you to see what your child is learning, how they are coping, and if any areas that need additional focus. 

You can support your child with their homework by:

  • providing space and appropriate equipment to complete homework
  • encouraging a regular time dedicated to their homework
  • guiding as opposed to showing children how to do a task
  • participating in activities that require your involvement, such as reading.

If your child is struggling with their homework, talk with their teacher for support or advice.

Friendships

In primary school, children explore and develop friendships through play, activities, and games. School-aged children may understand that a friend is someone with similar interests, is close by who they get along with, or helps them achieve their goals. 

In the younger years, children may play with different friends day-to-day. As they get older, they may have a few closer friends or a group they enjoy being around more than others.

Childhood friendships look different to adult friendships. What children expect from a friend usually increases with age; therefore, your child may call someone a friend more easily than we would. 

Benefits of friendships

Friendships are important as they provide children with opportunities to:  

  • communicate and relate to others
  • practice strategies to manage their feelings and emotions
  • learn how to win and lose appropriately
  • practice overcoming disagreements or arguments with others
  • develop social skills such as empathy, patience, and sharing
  • gain a sense of belonging
  • grow their self-esteem. 

Making friends

Making friends is one step towards gaining greater independence. Some children will easily make friends; others may find it more challenging. If your child is struggling to make connections with others, there are things you can do to increase opportunities to make friends:

  • talk to your child’s school teacher to see if they can create opportunities for your child to play with someone with similar interests
  • build your child’s self-confidence and self-esteem by pointing out their good qualities to make them better appreciate themselves
  • teach your child how to be a good friend
  • place your child in organised activities that involve other children, such as dancing, to allow them to meet new people whilst also getting active
  • consider car-pooling with another child your child likes being around; this could also save you time and allow your child the time to develop stronger connections
  • see if the school offers lunch clubs or after-school activities that they could join
  • organise catch-ups with new people, such as a work colleague or an old friend with children of a similar age.

In addition to maximising opportunities to make friends, talk, engage and connect with your child to build stronger connections. You still have the largest influence on their growth and development at this age. 

Bullying

In the primary school years, children are learning to share, regulate their emotions, and socialise with others. This can sometimes lead to disagreements and arguments and some children may be mean or rude. However, it is important to understand that there is a difference between disagreements and bullying.  

Bullying is considered to be intentional, repeated, aggressive behaviour toward someone. It is where an individual or group threaten, harm or control someone to cause harm or distress. It can take many forms and may include a combination of:

  • verbal
  • physical
  • social
  • cultural or
  • cyberbullying.

Bullying can be harmful to a child's developing sense of self and mental health. Keep an eye out for warning signs and maintain an open line of communication to ensure your child is comfortable talking about potential issues or concerns. 

See Bullying for more on warning signs and how you can help support children who are being bullied or who are bullying.